Sunday, November 21, 2010

A month almost? Ramblings on vacation, self esteem, and the road ahead...

They say life gets in the way - and the more weight I lose and the busier I get, the more I understand that. I find myself doing more and being more active than I ever was...and therefore, life gets in the way of things like blogging....but I do say, I miss it...and my friend, Erin, actually asked me the other night if I was ever going to come back....well, here I am. Thanks for being patient!

It's been a wonderful couple of weeks.....Vegas was amazing...I was shocked at how different this trip was compared to my last vacation - no mandatory upgrade to business class to fit into the seat, no seatbelt extender, and I was able to walk was wonderful. Thanksgiving is coming this week - I have 12 people coming! The house is almost ready - the last bit of furniture is coming today and the baking has begun (not good for my carb count, but a sweet comfort I won't give up). What a change from last year.

To update you on my progress - I have been in a stall for the last two weeks, but I have to admit, my habits have not been the best. Stress begets bad choices for me - and work has been things like pizza and m&m's have made their way back into my repertoire. Not good. Again, knowledge and acknowledgement are the first steps to I have no doubt that I'll be fine in the long run....but I'm down at 205 lbs, I can wear medium or large tops from most places....and bought my first pair of size 14's for work last week. That blew my mind. I love it, though....

I will tell you - the feeling of being big never leaves you completely....I still see myself as a big girl....and I still am, by supermodel standards, but I am in the average for american women now....or so I've heard. I had two days last week when I felt positively huge. Nothing had changed...I stepped on the scale a million times the first day of it....but I couldn't shake the feeling. Poor self esteem was back, and wasn't leaving until it was ready. I feel pretty good now....but I do find that when those feelings hit, the emotions hit hard. I just had to push through and make it to the next day...and I did... positive affirmations helped, too. I kept telling myself about all my accomplishments (between the crap feelings) and I think that helped. Who knows...I'm on the other side of it and know it'll be back....I just have to be ready for it.

Funny story - I was at my family's house a few weeks ago and my sister had heard that I am down 156 lbs. She jumped on my back and said, "are you missing something?" She weighs 154, so she gave me a taste of my old self. Wow. I don't know how my knees ever handled it.

Thanks for reading, all.....I promise it'll be less than a month next time...and there will be pics from Thanksgiving! =)