Sunday, February 12, 2012

Musings on my two year Surgiversary

Yep, it's been ages. This has been a hell of a year. A year of triumph, sadness and loss, and hope - in grossly disproportionate amounts.
My baby brother and oldest brother both got married - yay!
My mom had knee surgery that went horribly awry - a surgery that was supposed to leave her able to walk better and dance at Bryan's wedding left her wheelchair bound.... talk about buyer's remorse? I have a ton of that for her.
My father passed away unexpectedly in May - my first love, the man against which I measured all others - taken far too soon from this world. I miss him every day.
My family has moved out of the family home and into an apartment - a great move for them, for sure.
My older brother is expecting his first baby in August.
Bryan and Krista bought a house.
David, my sweet nephew, turned 2!
Russ and Rinny moved into a new apartment
Our quest to become parents continues to be un-fruitful.
My moods swing on a dime, thanks to fertility drugs and emotional crap.... it's not a fun place to be sometimes.
I continue to be married to the most amazing man on earth....

But here I the mood to muse and share. I've been blog silent for a long while, living my life and dealing with all of the above.

Let's talk positives/negatives of the weight loss journey thus far:
- I achieved onederland! Though I have to say, haven't been there as of latest tousle with fertility meds left me at 204...ugh.
- I've kept off the bulk of my weight (all but 8 lbs) for over a year.
- I have more energy than ever before
- overall, physically, I feel awesome!

- This supposed "boost to fertility?" - false. Almost 6 months back to the reproductive endocrinologist, numerous tests and treatments later? Nothing.
- I've gone back to drinking soda - pandora's box has been opened....I'm not proud, but I had missed my Coke Zero - I'm limiting it and plan to get rid of it again, but that's a hard habit to break.
- My capacity has increased a bit - I can now eat an entire sandwich in one sitting (depending on the material it's made of), I still have to eat slow, but I can do it.
- There are days I just don't follow the diet - and I know I should. I plan to get back on track.

It's been a struggle over the past couple of months, but I'm continuing to fight the fight...both of them now....the diet struggle and the fertility struggle. Hopefully I will be able to win at least one of them. I have to keep the faith.

And on the eve of my 39th birthday, I'm both proud and saddened by my status. I have a husband who loves me beyond everything, a family who adores me and keeps me sane, and I'm healthier than I've ever been. But, I still have days where I think, "this is not where I thought I'd be at 39..." I'm glad for where I've landed, but wish I had some other passengers, if you know what I mean. Life is definitely a journey..... one that has had more downs than ups as of late....but I'm still standing.....

As my mom so wisely told me on several occasions this past year, "God gives you the strength you need, not a minute too soon, not a minute too late.." I bank on this daily.

Thanks for reading!