Several NSV's in the last 24 hours! (Non Scale Victory)

So, first time in many many months that we've travelled. We went coach on Delta - not only did I fit comfortably in the seats, but I needed to snug the seatbelt when I put it on! (I used to have to put it all the way to the biggest or get an extender to be safe)

Then, this morning, I took my shower and was able to wrap myself in a hotel towel - and it went all the way around! Even the "bath sheets" wouldn't cover me before!

I still can't wrap my head around my new size....but I'm trying....these little things help me to make it happen.

On the other side - this travel has thrown me completely off. I was so hungry last night when we were on our way back from the strip.....and I'm not usually hungry! My internal clock is completely screwed up, but I'll get through this. Protein first! I will admit, I may indulge a time or two while I'm here, but I'm going to do my best to be good.

Have a great week!
Thanks for reading!
Laur =)

Feeling a bit blue today....

I was shopping at Kohl's after work today and something hit me hard. I saw the slippers on the racks for the cold weather and instantly thought of my Nanni, who we lost back in February. Each year I would go on a quest to find the perfect slipper for her - not scuffs or ones that are too hard to put on, but the ones that look like moccasins but are soft and fuzzy. They were her favorite....she would NOT like the boot ones that are out now, she'd say, "those are silly." Not to mention, every year I would buy her the gawdiest Christmas pins....because she LOVED them...or at least she pretended to love them. Shopping was bittersweet today.

In thinking of her today - I thought about how she would feel about my journey. Last time I lost a significant amount of weight, she used to giggle and say, "I can reach all the way around you!" when she hugged me. She was so proud. I wasn't so proud when I gained it all back, but she ALWAYS loved me no matter what. And she never said anything about my weight to me...though I'm sure she was worried about me. We used to talk about everything.... and she used to say to me, "nobody deserves to be a mother more than you, Laurie. That child will want for nothing and be SO spoiled." I am so sad she didn't live to see that happen..... but I look at it this way - she's probably wheeling and dealing with God right now, trying to ensure that when we get the blessing to try again, it will happen for us this time. It's awesome thinking I have THAT going for me up there..... what's meant to be will be.

Lots of memories flooding back to me today...... and the holidays are going to be hard.... I miss her so much today. But I know she's looking down on me now, and I wish she could put her arms "all the way around" me today. I could use a Nanni hug - we kids used to fight over who would hug her first...and she was so tiny that we would kneel in front of her so we were waist or chest high on her - and she'd hug us and lay her head on our heads...or kiss our foreheads. It was silly, but so sweet.

Love you, Nanni....
Thanks for reading, everyone. *hugs* (Sorry for the downer post today... it helps me so much to write it down and share...)
<3
Laurie =)

Fearful....

So, last night, I'm sitting in the living room thinking about my food for the day. I did okay...had some carbs and indulged in a little kitkat bar.....but overall, did okay - not protein wise, but calorie wise. Toast with cream cheese for breakfast, no snacks to speak of, 3 oz. pork chop and some mac and cheese for lunch, the little kit kat, and a small piece of lasagna for dinner. No evening snack, no desire for evening snack.....

But I found myself worried that I was going to go back....back to the unhealthy person I once was......back to my old habits......now that I can tolerate anything and am eating larger quantities (not huge, but 1/2 - 3/4 cup, vs 1/4 cup earlier), I'm starting to get scared. Don't know if this is normal.....but I do KNOW I'm nervous about it.....and knowing and acknowledging is half the battle......so I'm on a good track.

Also, having my inlaws coming has me a bit nervous - I tend to be REALLY insecure when they're here.....don't know why....just have never felt "good enough" for them. I'm sure some of you have felt that at some time.

Thanks for listening.....off to vacuum and head to work.
<3
Laur =)

Another list of my favorite things....and continued struggles/frustrations

Here I am, in Maryland with my family....watching little David on his first birthday. I can't believe he's a year old...and what a difference with my being able to keep up with him!

We've played and had breakfast together....getting over the baby gates, no problem!! I'm looking so forward to our outing tonight for his birthday dinner and for a haircut. I'm so lucky to be here!

So, as noted above, I have added a few more favorite things....and there are more by the day!
So, in no particular order.....
1. Being called "skinny bitch" by my hubby - OMG..what a compliment!
2. Being able to sit on the floor with David AND get up without struggling
3. Having people I haven't seen in a long time walk past me, wondering where I am!
4. Sitting in my hubby's lap and not worrying about breaking his legs
5. Being able to borrow clothes from my sisters
6. Shopping (yep, it's still there...that one isn't changing anytime soon!)
7. exercising! I love Zumba and other exercise classes...might to couch to 5k to challenge myself...
8. Taking up less room in my car....and watching Jeff have to move the seat back when he drives my car....
9. Finding new recipes on the internet to feed my sweet tooth, as it seems to be returning
10. Continuing to get on the scale and see downward movement! I'm 16# from breaking the 200 mark!!

Stuff I still struggle with?
1. Sweets - like I mentioned above, my sweet tooth seems to be returning, even though I know it's head hunger, it's tough to keep in check
2. looking at clothing and seeing that it will fit me - in my mind I'm still a 24!
3. Getting in all my protein - if I drink a shake or two, I do well....but if I don't? Fail.
4. Getting enough calories in - if I allow my sweet tooth to win, I can get 1200....but when I'm a good girl? 600 - 800 max...not good.
5. Going to restaurants with friends and asking them to split something.....my family is awesome about it, but I feel weird asking friends when we're out.
6. sagging skin - someday I'll get brave and post some pics...but it's getting almost funny....some shrinking from exercise....but I've lost so fast, it's not keeping up!
7. skin issues - I've been getting more rashes under my belly - I know it's a way to get free plastics, but I am not a fan of the discomfort....itchy, icky....oy.

K, I'm stopping at 7. Off to get the boy -he's up from his nap and there's toys to play with and lunch to make. Thanks for reading - love you all!!

Laur =)

Holy Carbfest, Batman - it needs to stop!

Okay - I was great on vacation - even lost 4.5 lbs while I was there....but now I'm home and I can't stop. Well, I CAN, I'm just having a hard time doing it.

Monday was a rough day at work - lots of stuff thrown at me at once, just back from vacation, preparing to interview for my full time tech...you know, the usual. Came home, ate well, then got up on Tuesday. Caramel corn was left over from vaca - took it to work....still ate it. Bad.

Then came yesterday - wanted to be good, but hit Dunkin for a decaf coffee and what do they have? Pumpkin muffins! I decided, "what the heck - I haven't had a muffin in almost a year - one won't hurt!" Then, this morning, I look at the calorie count for the muffin - 590 calories in a DD Pumpkin spice muffin!!! Yeah -that's a big ol' nono food anymore. Holy crap. I almost peed myself. Seriously.....4 months ago, I was lucky to eat 500 calories a DAY, and yesterday, I ate it in an hour. I was disgusted with myself.

THIS is the hard part. I've discovered slider foods....for real. Restriction has nothing on these sweet treats.....so they must be destroyed. *lol* I'm cracking myself up. I must not let myself get obsessed with calorie counts - but I have to get back to basics..... no sugar, protein first (hell, protein as a focus at all.....been on a wing and prayer this past week), veggies and drink my water.....also a struggle. When I don't eat sugar/carbs, I don't crave them.....so I just cut them out and *poof* problem solved. Granted, I don't get anywhere NEAR the 1200 calories I'm supposed to eat (except yesterday, I'm sure I got them yesterday), but that's not an excuse either. It's as Jeff said - "it's not the calories that are important...it's the sugar and protein content...." And he's right....it's definitely better to eat 500 calories in lean meats and veggies than a friggin MUFFIN. Oy.

I feel better having gotten that out. Oh, and BTW.....spouse just called me - said, "want me to pick anything up for dinner on the way home?" I said, "what would you get - not a wise thing tonight"....Stuck to my guns....eating in and well. Nuff said.

Thanks for listening to my blathering......I needed to get that out.
<3 you all!
Laur =)

Vaca

Ack! Lost my post! I hates that!

Anyhoo - take twooo....

I am vacationing in lovely Rehoboth Beach, DE with my fab family. The weekend went quickly, with my brother, sister in law, and nephew heading home yesterday....not to mention the sad departure of my hubby to go home b/c he has to work today! *wah* I miss him already - though my sister, Erin, decided to join me in my room, so I'm not too lonely....

This is tough, though....staying on track on vacation. Sheesh. Meals are okay - but it's the in between that gets me bad.....every day's grocery list includes, "danish, croissants, and donuts" for munching in between meals. Let me tell you - not cool for a post WLS girl. I've been good overall - but I have had moments of weakness - and the concept of slider foods definitely has reared its ugly head this weekend.....crackers and sweets go down way too easily - and I barely feel restriction with them. Mind you, these used to be my trigger foods, so it's even worse. And, my family is a big trigger in and of themselves.....since they are not the healthiest of eaters.....i.e. my diabetic dad having some steudel pieces with his coffee in the AM....before his medicine....but I digress.....

It's going to be harder without my hubby here...he is my entree splitter, Jiminy Cricket at times, and cheerleader. The restriction is helpful, but most the work is squarely on my shoulders. And this week is HARD.

I'm off to chill with my seester, who just joined me on the porch.... Going to relax and take it in.....it is vacation, after all! =)

Thanks for reading!
Laur =)

Hey, all!

It's been a while again - and my friend Liz's announcement of her blog prompted me to blog....

So sorry it's taken me so long to get back on here.....life has been getting in the way. Work is insanity, we're going on vacation this weekend for a week, and Jeff and I just booked a week in Vegas, baby! I cannot wait! It's so exciting.....Jeff and I haven't been on vacation alone in about 4 years.....so it's time. Seriously.

I've been going to Bodypump classes 2x/week and Zumba once.....I didn't make it there this week, since I've been busy getting ready for vacation - but I do have weights to do my exercises here when I don't get there....mental note....pump body tonight....after I do my progress notes.

Latest updates on my progress -
Weight 226
BMI 35
pants size 16 - 18 depending on store (but Old Navy is a solid 16)
Shirt size - L - XL, depending on store.

Very hard to believe I'm this far into the journey in such a short time - some days I feel like I just had surgery and some days it's old hat.

The longer out I become, the more tempted I get regarding sweets and carbs. It's a struggle to keep on the course, but I try very hard to do my protein first and then do veggies or fruit for my second category. I allow myself one day where I can have something sweet....and I try to keep it small....and it's not very sweet - or I will get sick. And anyone who knows me knows how much I HATE getting sick (stomach sick, that is). I seriously think twice about what I'm going to eat when I want something sweet.....the consequence is not always worth the taste.

All in all - I still get between 600 - 1000 calories in a day - more on my sweet allowance days. I still don't think I've gone over 1000 calories ever.....and I still get full fast and stay full a long time. So worth it.

I've had a lot of people ask me about the surgery and my journey....either for their or someone in their lives' benefits....it's nice to give back. I love my sleeve....and wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. =) =) =)

And now....off to do paperwork and start packing for vaca.....guess I should vacuum, too, huh?
<3 you all....
Thanks for reading!
Laur =)