Feeling a bit blue today....

I was shopping at Kohl's after work today and something hit me hard. I saw the slippers on the racks for the cold weather and instantly thought of my Nanni, who we lost back in February. Each year I would go on a quest to find the perfect slipper for her - not scuffs or ones that are too hard to put on, but the ones that look like moccasins but are soft and fuzzy. They were her favorite....she would NOT like the boot ones that are out now, she'd say, "those are silly." Not to mention, every year I would buy her the gawdiest Christmas pins....because she LOVED them...or at least she pretended to love them. Shopping was bittersweet today.

In thinking of her today - I thought about how she would feel about my journey. Last time I lost a significant amount of weight, she used to giggle and say, "I can reach all the way around you!" when she hugged me. She was so proud. I wasn't so proud when I gained it all back, but she ALWAYS loved me no matter what. And she never said anything about my weight to me...though I'm sure she was worried about me. We used to talk about everything.... and she used to say to me, "nobody deserves to be a mother more than you, Laurie. That child will want for nothing and be SO spoiled." I am so sad she didn't live to see that happen..... but I look at it this way - she's probably wheeling and dealing with God right now, trying to ensure that when we get the blessing to try again, it will happen for us this time. It's awesome thinking I have THAT going for me up there..... what's meant to be will be.

Lots of memories flooding back to me today...... and the holidays are going to be hard.... I miss her so much today. But I know she's looking down on me now, and I wish she could put her arms "all the way around" me today. I could use a Nanni hug - we kids used to fight over who would hug her first...and she was so tiny that we would kneel in front of her so we were waist or chest high on her - and she'd hug us and lay her head on our heads...or kiss our foreheads. It was silly, but so sweet.

Love you, Nanni....
Thanks for reading, everyone. *hugs* (Sorry for the downer post today... it helps me so much to write it down and share...)
<3
Laurie =)