Several NSV's in the last 24 hours! (Non Scale Victory)

So, first time in many many months that we've travelled. We went coach on Delta - not only did I fit comfortably in the seats, but I needed to snug the seatbelt when I put it on! (I used to have to put it all the way to the biggest or get an extender to be safe)

Then, this morning, I took my shower and was able to wrap myself in a hotel towel - and it went all the way around! Even the "bath sheets" wouldn't cover me before!

I still can't wrap my head around my new size....but I'm trying....these little things help me to make it happen.

On the other side - this travel has thrown me completely off. I was so hungry last night when we were on our way back from the strip.....and I'm not usually hungry! My internal clock is completely screwed up, but I'll get through this. Protein first! I will admit, I may indulge a time or two while I'm here, but I'm going to do my best to be good.

Have a great week!
Thanks for reading!
Laur =)

Feeling a bit blue today....

I was shopping at Kohl's after work today and something hit me hard. I saw the slippers on the racks for the cold weather and instantly thought of my Nanni, who we lost back in February. Each year I would go on a quest to find the perfect slipper for her - not scuffs or ones that are too hard to put on, but the ones that look like moccasins but are soft and fuzzy. They were her favorite....she would NOT like the boot ones that are out now, she'd say, "those are silly." Not to mention, every year I would buy her the gawdiest Christmas pins....because she LOVED them...or at least she pretended to love them. Shopping was bittersweet today.

In thinking of her today - I thought about how she would feel about my journey. Last time I lost a significant amount of weight, she used to giggle and say, "I can reach all the way around you!" when she hugged me. She was so proud. I wasn't so proud when I gained it all back, but she ALWAYS loved me no matter what. And she never said anything about my weight to me...though I'm sure she was worried about me. We used to talk about everything.... and she used to say to me, "nobody deserves to be a mother more than you, Laurie. That child will want for nothing and be SO spoiled." I am so sad she didn't live to see that happen..... but I look at it this way - she's probably wheeling and dealing with God right now, trying to ensure that when we get the blessing to try again, it will happen for us this time. It's awesome thinking I have THAT going for me up there..... what's meant to be will be.

Lots of memories flooding back to me today...... and the holidays are going to be hard.... I miss her so much today. But I know she's looking down on me now, and I wish she could put her arms "all the way around" me today. I could use a Nanni hug - we kids used to fight over who would hug her first...and she was so tiny that we would kneel in front of her so we were waist or chest high on her - and she'd hug us and lay her head on our heads...or kiss our foreheads. It was silly, but so sweet.

Love you, Nanni....
Thanks for reading, everyone. *hugs* (Sorry for the downer post today... it helps me so much to write it down and share...)
<3
Laurie =)

Fearful....

So, last night, I'm sitting in the living room thinking about my food for the day. I did okay...had some carbs and indulged in a little kitkat bar.....but overall, did okay - not protein wise, but calorie wise. Toast with cream cheese for breakfast, no snacks to speak of, 3 oz. pork chop and some mac and cheese for lunch, the little kit kat, and a small piece of lasagna for dinner. No evening snack, no desire for evening snack.....

But I found myself worried that I was going to go back....back to the unhealthy person I once was......back to my old habits......now that I can tolerate anything and am eating larger quantities (not huge, but 1/2 - 3/4 cup, vs 1/4 cup earlier), I'm starting to get scared. Don't know if this is normal.....but I do KNOW I'm nervous about it.....and knowing and acknowledging is half the battle......so I'm on a good track.

Also, having my inlaws coming has me a bit nervous - I tend to be REALLY insecure when they're here.....don't know why....just have never felt "good enough" for them. I'm sure some of you have felt that at some time.

Thanks for listening.....off to vacuum and head to work.
<3
Laur =)

Another list of my favorite things....and continued struggles/frustrations

Here I am, in Maryland with my family....watching little David on his first birthday. I can't believe he's a year old...and what a difference with my being able to keep up with him!

We've played and had breakfast together....getting over the baby gates, no problem!! I'm looking so forward to our outing tonight for his birthday dinner and for a haircut. I'm so lucky to be here!

So, as noted above, I have added a few more favorite things....and there are more by the day!
So, in no particular order.....
1. Being called "skinny bitch" by my hubby - OMG..what a compliment!
2. Being able to sit on the floor with David AND get up without struggling
3. Having people I haven't seen in a long time walk past me, wondering where I am!
4. Sitting in my hubby's lap and not worrying about breaking his legs
5. Being able to borrow clothes from my sisters
6. Shopping (yep, it's still there...that one isn't changing anytime soon!)
7. exercising! I love Zumba and other exercise classes...might to couch to 5k to challenge myself...
8. Taking up less room in my car....and watching Jeff have to move the seat back when he drives my car....
9. Finding new recipes on the internet to feed my sweet tooth, as it seems to be returning
10. Continuing to get on the scale and see downward movement! I'm 16# from breaking the 200 mark!!

Stuff I still struggle with?
1. Sweets - like I mentioned above, my sweet tooth seems to be returning, even though I know it's head hunger, it's tough to keep in check
2. looking at clothing and seeing that it will fit me - in my mind I'm still a 24!
3. Getting in all my protein - if I drink a shake or two, I do well....but if I don't? Fail.
4. Getting enough calories in - if I allow my sweet tooth to win, I can get 1200....but when I'm a good girl? 600 - 800 max...not good.
5. Going to restaurants with friends and asking them to split something.....my family is awesome about it, but I feel weird asking friends when we're out.
6. sagging skin - someday I'll get brave and post some pics...but it's getting almost funny....some shrinking from exercise....but I've lost so fast, it's not keeping up!
7. skin issues - I've been getting more rashes under my belly - I know it's a way to get free plastics, but I am not a fan of the discomfort....itchy, icky....oy.

K, I'm stopping at 7. Off to get the boy -he's up from his nap and there's toys to play with and lunch to make. Thanks for reading - love you all!!

Laur =)